Tuesday, February 24
01:05
its the first time in my life i ever felt like that.
forcing myself so much to do smth wch i am not even sure abt.
and i dunno if its affecting my mood.
i get irritated super easily nowadays, or was it like that since last time?
i get hell irritated and bloody pissed off for everything so minor.
i really hate myself like that. and i really am sorry to those whom i hurt unintentionally.
its recess week, but i'm bloody not happy AT ALL.
its so tiring to even look at my schedule.
i really hate my life like that.
why?
and i'm really damn pissed off now.
the more i think bout it, the more i hate myself and everything.
why the hell am i in this pathetic state.
everything's clashing w everything.
i dun even know how to arrange my schedule alr.
i wanna thank my friends, who care so much for me and for understanding my situation.
who try to talk to me and encourage me, who lend a listening ear when i needed one really badly.
who will cheer me up by their incessant nonsense, who nvr fail to make me talk when they see me down.
or just simply by being there.
i wish i had more time, really.
i wish i wasnt so short tempered.
i wish i had more determination.
i wish i am stronger, emotionally and physically.
i wish i will not disappoint my friends in whatever.
i wish i was/am/will be happy.
and i'm really sorry.
happy birthday weiwei.
happy birthday chari.
and happy belated, suxian.
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly
no date this vday, out w tarieneee appleeee hong! :D
had a fun time laughing again, though most of the time i think they were laughing at me.
and i fell sick tt night, missed the mixed trng the nxt morning.
and til now, i still dun feel v well.
the flu doesnt go away, the fatigue is still there.
to think tt i still played mj yday w weiwei jerold colin.
i couldnt take it this morning, i fell aslp standing on the bus.
and now i shud get started w the hw111 presentation. sigh.
tt red beetle is so nice!
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly
i'm damn tired now, but i cant slp, cos of my hair!
IRRITATING.
but i had a relatively gd day today, cos i met up w the ppl who make me laugh alot.
actually i laughed alot at swensons' yday also HAHA. cos of LINFANG YUANTING SHUQIN KAILING YUFANG ZYEEEEEEEE LIJUAN.
okay back to topic i played bball today. after ost. OST NEARLY KILLED ME. ):
and bball was okayyyy. i suck at bball actually. ): but then i still had fun lah.
extension for dinner/supper, talked cock, stopped by canteen a to talk cock for a while, then back to hall.
TIRED ):
i shud really slp soooon. sigh.
as time goes by, it seems to get worse.
oh, and happy vday!
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly
week has ended.
really, sem 2 is terrible.
i drag/force myself to school, and i really dun wanna be there.
i'd rather be at home.
i dun even wanna go back to hall.
its even worse at night.
it wasnt like tt last sem.
WHY!
i'm getting along w roomie biwei! i think the prob lies w myself.
or issit cos, i still had ABITMORE company last sem?
):
I AM NOT SUFFERING FRM DEPRESSION LAH.
and i love my db teammates deepdeep.
HAPPY DIRTY BDAY TO DIRTY BDAY GIRL SAM SQ!
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly
this had to be the worst week i had in the longest time.
and i think i'll be a lone ranger in my classes in the future.
finally i found the reason why i hate going for lectures and tutorials this sem.
how some just gave you a look of disgust and a 'why you scream my name' when i merely called out a lil louder than usual. turning away after tt and then made you feel like the name is not worthy to come frm your mouth.
wtf.
it pissed me off like,seriously.
i really felt so tired after a week of downs, i cant stop the tears frm falling.
there were some ups still though, like meeting up w pj bballers. they nvr fail to make me laugh and smile.
and i went for 1 out of 4 trngs this week.
this has to be the record in the team.
i want my old life back.
or at least that period of time when i was still happy.
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly
stuck in lwn now, didnt go for any lessons today.
so tired, so helpless, so weak.
i feel like i'm nv filled w energy at all nowadays.
its always fatigue, and dreading idk what.
now i know why my daddy used to call me crybaby everytime when i was young.
i always cry for no apparent reason or for v minor stuff.
i think it scares ppl ard me.
it scares me sometimes too.
i'llspreadmywings
anndlearnhowtofly